OK, a few hours have passed and hopefully you’re getting used to the idea that you’re back out in the job market. Of course it will take much longer in order to truly accept it but you should be on the road to “owning” it.

Now the next thing you have to decide is who do you tell and how do you tell them.

I’ll leave the details up to you but I want you to keep a few things in mind as you consider this.

First, please, please try to remember that there is no shame in being laid-off or fired. In fact, I have found it to be a dignifying experience, in the long run. You never know what you’re made of until you face unexpected adversity. I’m not saying you should be rejoicing at this time but, believe me, there are many worse things than losing your job such as losing your sight or hearing or a loved one to illness.

Second, generally speaking, people will respond to the news of you losing your job in much the same way as you relay the information to them. That is, if you tell someone in a way that is hopeless or tense or panicky they will most often respond in like manner.

While there is nothing wrong with being emotional, I think it best to always think of others before thinking of yourself in these matters, especially where children are concerned. So, instead of saying, “You’re never going to believe what those rat-bastards did to me,” try, “Guess what? Another chapter in my life just began today. I’m not working for …” Do you get the idea?

STEP TWO:

Be gracious when “giving them the news.”

If your friends offer help do not dismiss them or turn them away. Remember, in many instances, allowing others to help you will strengthen your friendship provided that you do not “take advantage” of their help. No one really likes being around someone who is too proud to admit when he/she needs help. Think about it; do you?

If you’re not ready or do not wish to accept their assistance, do not turn them away by saying something like, “No thanks, I’ll be fine.” Instead, say something like, “Thank you. It’s comforting to know you are there for me. When I need something I’ll be sure to let you know.”

I am a big fan of the “need to know” approach to relaying news about being fired or laid-off. That is, while you should never hide your unemployment status from someone, you need not go out of your way to inform people who are not in your regular circle of friends.

Also, when you tell someone, be sure to state your frame of mind and your situation. That is, tell them if you’re sad or angry but do not dwell on it. If they wish to listen, they will; but remember, everyone has her/his own daily life to contend with so do not take advantage of the proverbial “shoulder to cry on.”

If you need help from someone, ask them straight out. If not, then don’t ask them.

Your primary focus during this part of your ordeal is to get to know yourself, determine what your immediate needs are, and to graciously relay this information to your friends and family.

I want you to know that there is dignity in loss and honor in struggle. Be gracious in all things and the depth of your honor and the light of your dignity will shine even in the darkest hour for all to see.

Mark